I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
