I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
