No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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