Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just cropdusted the office
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's shark week go big or go home
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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