I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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