I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
