Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
