paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize