Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
