I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
