Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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