I just pynch a tree in the face
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize