I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
