May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
