I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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