Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
