So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
After tacos, we're chasing women.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
