man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
