last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
