oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
