Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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