at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
