I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
