every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
