Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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