we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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