Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I cockslap morals
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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