Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
