put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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