The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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