Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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