Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
