She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
