We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Your cock deserves a montage
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
