I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
