I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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