TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
