There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
