Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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