if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
