are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I haven't been this sober since birth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
