I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
