I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
