I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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