he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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