Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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