Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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