apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
