So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
