He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
