...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
