if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
