The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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