He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
