If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
