you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
