Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
