I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
