If i come over, it means nothing
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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