My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
