I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
