so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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