We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
