You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
