question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
