I must be too annoying 4 u.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
