gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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