i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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