Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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