He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
