just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
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If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
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No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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