Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
