I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
