SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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