I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you never un-have a 4some
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
