I feel great
I just peed on a car
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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