HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
