People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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