I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
